How often have you seen one of your acquaintances break up with a long-term mate only to find, the very next week, someone who was obviously all inappropriate for them? It’s one of the most common after effects of the end of relationships: rebound dating.
The idea of rebound relationships is so deep-seated into the way we think about dating that it just seems instinctive to look for one after a breakup. There’s a lot to be said for getting “back in the saddle,” selecting a partner when your mind is clouded usually does more harm than good overall. If you want to get over your ex fast, there are safer ways to do it.
Band-Aid relationships: rebound mindset
The first step to preventing yourself from doing something you’ll regret is to take an honorable look at what you’re feeling and understand how those feelings can guide you places you’d rather not go. A lot of times we just miss the company and look for someone to fill the gap in our schedule and distract us from the fact that our heart’s just been broken. In that case, make a point of finding a social time-filler that doesn’t involve romance.
Preserve your standards
The best thing you can do to avert getting involved with someone who’s all wrong for you is stay to your standards. In fact, go ahead and raise them a little just to add a safety buffer. If the person you’re thinking about dating is less kind, less intelligent, less anything that you’d normally want, stay away. The people don’t make for good relationships, rebound or otherwise.
Beware of the most convenient person
When we look for someone to rebound with, we need someone fast. We don’t have time to “waste” looking for someone we really click with, so we tend to latch on to someone we already know and have at least some rapport with. It might be a close friend, a co-worker, even someone who works at the grocery store down the street. If you find yourself falling for someone you’ve never been the least bit drawn to before, stop and think about what’s actually going on here.
Choose time for yourself
Instead of filling your time with go-nowhere dates, get out and make some new friends (that’s “friends,” not “lovers.” There’s a difference.) Get involved in something you’ve always wanted to do but never had time for. Whatever you do, don’t sit around pining for your ex or scouring the bookstore shelves for self help books.
Be kind to yourself.
Even if your not sobbing into your pillow each night, the end of a relationship will naturally make you feel a little bummed out and low on energy. Take that into account and try not to originate any major projects for a number of weeks. Instead, treat yourself to some time out to do something you savour.
Of course, not every rebound relationship ends up a disaster. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a fun fling. If you do decide to get involved with someone after a breakup, though, make sure you’ve taken a small time off by yourself and you’re not lowering your standards. While we can’t always forestall broken relationships: rebound dates gone wrong are easy to avoid.
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.